Between a Rock and a Weird Place
by VegetarianEuphemisms
Summary: Jade gets invited to spend the summer at Daves apartment, hilarious antics ensue. post scratch au, trolls and kids live amongst each other, because ships is why. slight amount of implied bro/dad WHOOPS this is so cracky it should collapse by now.
1. GG to EB

Hey there guys so this whole thing is gonna be done in pester logs and dialog between characters, because I really love that style so... yeah. i will be sneaking a tiny bit of johnkat and rose/kanaya yay! this thing is un beta'd so leave me comments corrections anything really :D

* * *

gT: hey jade!

gG: hey!

gG: how are you mr. egbert?

gT: I'm great, i'm hanging out with karkat

gT: he says hi

gT: he says i'm lying

gG: oh wow you guys

gG: I'm at daves house right now

gT: ooooooooooh

gT: Am I interrupting anything, harley?

gT: ;)

gG: oh no

gG: he is in the shower

gT: oh

gG: yeah

gG: you know whats weird

gT: what

gT: karat says what

gT: he just hit me

gG: all the clothes i brought with me have suddenly disappeared

gG: so dave lent me one of his old shirts

gT: that is quite mysterious

gT: what if… oh no

gT: never mind me, go on

gG: its really comfy, and it smells nice too

gT: ...

gG: and then bro did something to the futon a couple days after i got here

gG: i didn't see anything wrong but dave was muttering something about plush rumps

gT: DID YOU EVER THINK THAT STRIDER MAY OF STOLE YOUR CLOTHES -cG

gG: i dont think dave would do that

gG: i mean after the futon broke i had to sleep in his bed

gG: and you know i grew up on an island

gT: yeah of course, with bec and your dead grandfather, totally not weird that you were literally raised by dogs

gG: so i never got to cuddle anyone, and it looks really nice in movies and stuff

gG: so i tried cuddling dave, i just swung my arm around him and flipped my leg over his, i think thats called "the sloth"

gT: oh wow

gG: and he just freaked out, i must of moved to fast or something :/

gT: :B oh my god jade

gG: he turned all red and ran to the bathroom

gT: has he come out?

gG: then i heard him turn on the shower

gG: then i heard a yelp

gT: what happened?

gG: he jumped in before it got warm

gG: silly goose

gT: oh no dave.

gT: this is too funny

gG: he he sounds fine now though, he is making very happy noises, well they sound happy anyway

gT: oh no, karkat had to leave the room he was laughing to hard

gG: yeah…WAIT WHAT DID I SAY

gT: nothing :)

gG: so i dont know what daves' problem is

gT: yeah that is really weird, well give him some time maybe sleep on the couch tonight, give the man some space, you know how he is.

gG: yeah i know

gT: i will talk to you later ok! i have to go watch some stupid troll romcoms

gT: good luck!

* * *

more to come soon next between dave and john!


	2. EB to TG

**Hey guys!, thanks for the reviews! yeah you were totally right i fucked up egberts pesterhandle (to my defense its been a long time since i actually saw them) Im trying to make the chats more realistic, and yeah i know OOC bluh bluh yeah its hard to keep character :/ sorry i hope you still like it! after the breaking of my computer it will be a bit longer between updates and i also have this huge thing due for English class. next log is actually gonna be verbal communication between the strider boys , whilst they strife. yippie!**

* * *

- ectoBiologist [EB]began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:34 -

EB: hey bro!

TG: hey Egderp

EB: so i was talking to Jade yesterday

TG: good for you, we are all very proud.

EB: and she said something odd

TG: wow Harley said something weird? You don't say, I guess we should alert fucking fox news to this crazy development

EB: dude, shut up, just let me talk.

EB: so she told me that her clothes have disappeared, you wouldn't know anything about that would you?

EB:...

EB:...

EB: Dave!

TG: hey you are the one who told me to stop talking...

EB: well...?

TG: well what

EB: David Strider did you steal Jades clothes and sabotage her bed?

TG: no, but it seems to me that bro has something to do with it

EB: what?

TG: yeah I think he has some sketchy ideas planned for me

EB: I think they are working!

EB: I heard about the cuddling incident...

TG: oh god

EB: yeah, way to go romeo! hehehehe.

EB: I still don't think she knows that you like her.

TG: that doesn't surprise me, since i am just so cool around her, never losing my shit, you know how it is.

EB: oh well from what I heard you lost something else jumping in that shower!

TG: I was being sarcastic, asshole

EB: yeah I should stop, I really don't want to keep thinking about my sister and my best friend, its gross

TG: would you prefer to think about the little crush your dad has on my bro?

EB: oh no eeeeeeeew, dave why!

TG: yeah thats right, you just go back to sucking face with your alien boyfriend

EB: Dave! Karkat is not my boyfriend

EB: I am not a homosexual!

TG: anyway I will have a heart to heart next time I see bro, when I say heart to heart I mean beating each other senseless with large swords

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:24 -


	3. STRIDERS DUKE IT OUT!

**bro is in bold** and dave is not , pretty ooc i just feel shitty i havent updated in a while and i love you all and its litterally just head cannon personalities, fck me its 3 am and i love you all so much i might cry

**this is basically just filler** and nothing develops here and i cant even remember why this sequence was supposed to happen

* * *

"Ok, what the fuck is your issue"

**"..."**

"Fucking, quit hitting me I don't wanna fight"

**"Well then you are gonna have to hit me back to make me talk"**

"Oh my god"

**"That's what Egbert said last ni..."**

"BRO."

**"..."**

~~~~10 minutes later~~~~~

"I said i was sorry"

**" you hit me... with the air conditioner"**

"you said you wanted me to beat you"

**"yes with sick sword fighting skills, not bludgeoning me over the head with large household appliances"**

" you cornered me."

**"thats what happens during a fight"**

"do you want more ice?"

**"no, i will be fine"**

"Ok well can you please stop fucking with jade, i offered her a place to stay and if you keep this up she wont want to come back. ever."

**"Honestly I don' know what your talking about"**

"Cut the crap yes you do, she probably thinks I'm some freak because you keep putting me in scenarios where i come out looking like some hapless anime school girl who is all tsundere for the dude with the creepy hands"

**"And this is a bad thing because..."**

"..."

**"Don't give me that goddamn look"**

"..."

**"Seriously man"**

"..."

**"Fuck off I'm doing it for your own good, its very clear you like this chick and you clearly need some encouragement"**

"you stole her clothes"

**"I did"**

" you stole all of them"

**"yep"**

"you... you... you touched her underwear"

**"... they had little ribbons on them"**

"..."

**"they smelled nice too"**

"I'm going to kill you."

* * *

yes i snuck a bit of DAD/BRO in there if you squint

which in homestuck you tend to do

and also bro didnt really smell them he is just trying to piss dave off

and its working


	4. Bro to Dad

**bro is in bold** and Dad is not OH MY GOD THIS IS TURNING INTO THE WORST KIND OF CRACK

i wrote this while on the plane out to Ontario on my phone

i also ship bro/dad... AM I LOSING MY MIND? YOU BET!

**filler again. **the next one will be relevant ok i promise. jfc.

* * *

**" Did I do the right thing? "**

" I have no idea, what did you do, Dirk?"

**" I stole all of jades clothes so she would be forced to wear daves"**

"Well I would hope you left her unmentionables alone, a lady needs certain items a man can't loan"

**" No I took those too"**

" Why would you do that"

**" Hey look I know what horny little heterosexual boys want, and it's free breasts"**

" I highly doubt that you know what any heterosexual male wants regardless of age"

**" That hurts man"**

" You know I'm just bothering you"

**" I know, is John home?"**

" no he is out with Karkat and Vriska"

**" I'll be over in 27 minutes"**

" I'll be upstairs"

**"Will there be cake?"**

"Only your favorite"

**"Make it 22 minutes then"**


End file.
